How much is too much???

Recently I've been noticing the so called 'Status messages' of people on my Gtalk list and believe you me, they're nothing less than amusing. Offlate I haven't even had time for a breather at work, so I amuse myself by reading the weird Gtalk messages as and when I get two seconds off. Here are some really amusing ones that crossed my eyes recently:

- Savio: 2 great meetings in Mumbai, potentially gargantuan partnerships. But too early to disclose or comment. Hoping for the best in time to come.

Wow! After reading all of that, I'm Sooooo not curious and i'm not going to ask you anything.

anitha>: is not here.

We know that from your idle icon D-uh!

- Adam: Busy, please do not ping. Like really! if you REALLY do not want anyone to ping, may we suggest logging off?

- Cynthia: 9935639292

Do you really want EVERYONE to know your no.?


As I write all this, I can't wait to see more of this stuff. Gosh, I'm addicted. What say Guys?

The gift of faff...

Helloooooooooo...After a long haul, I'm back again. Was dying to get back to blogging and found the perfect piece to write about. Like I always say, comedy happens to you when you're least expecting it! Just the other day when I almost had a tiff with one of the guys at the agency that I work with, I got an apology email from him. Here's what it says:

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Hi XXXX,

It was a pleasure connecting with you.

I apologies for touching a soft spot, I hope you can appreciate where I was coming from. None-the-less it was not intentional to dissatisfy you and offend you with expressing myself.
I hope we can put it behind us.

As discussed, find attached presentation – that we had presented to you.
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Much as I was stumped to read this, I couldn't help but Roll on the F'in floor!!

That guy better thank his stars he wasn't in front of me or I would've returned the favor by touching all soft spots and making sure he wouldn't be able to touch them himself again.

If that's not enough for you unsatisfied folks, here's another one I got recently (Thankfully not the same guy)

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Hi XXXX,

Attached here is the content used on the end devices. As I informed you, the content is twigged (My techie friends would understand what he's referring to) a little to fit on to the display with a bigger font.

It caught attention of everyone and some of them got engaged with it. (Wow, got engaged to a device? Really??) They held it in their hand and rocked it as well. (Ahem! No more details please) However on the call for action we need to understand more on the end user behavior.

--------------------------------------------

Yeah sure, we'll decide the call for action and get more users engaged with the damn device. :D

I'm Blue

As if my parents weren’t enough, I got a call from Shaadi.com a while ago asking me if I’d spare some time to talk to them about Marriage proposals. Wtf??!! I’m sure my name might be in flashing in red bold letters in their database saying ‘Eligible candidate. Catch her NOW!’ I’m sorry Shaadi.com, I refuse to contribute to your sales and put my life in trouble. Just FUCK OFF. And how did they get my number you ask? They got it off a job portal where I’ve posted my resume. Ugh!

To make matters worse, facebook is giving me daily updates on who’s getting married, who’s getting engaged. Old colleague couples getting married, peers getting engaged, friends meeting soulmates. The only positive happening in the entire process is the growth of my single blues. K

Go take a walk, world. Don’t hassle me with those marriage talks.

The freshest warm funny straight-from-the-oven Jinuism

Comedy is what happens to you when you're least expecting it. And Jinuisms, according to the tradition, come unannounced. When you are unguarded, in a serious mode. It happened today, when we were chatting on GTalk (You see, we have left no stones unturned when it comes to testing all forms of communication to constantly be in touch). Plus we don't have any other work. ;D

Anyway, this time it goes like this. We've been boy bashing for some time now (Apologies to the only two male readers of my blog ;D) and telling each other how we deserve much better (Thank god for vanity!). Just when I was cribbing how I've been the wrong guy magnet for ever now and that I don't think I'll find someone right ever, she said it! And the usual happened. I was in fits.

Here it is, Uncanned and Uncensored.

jinup: arey i am telling u

u r a solid package man*

12:13 PM u r intelligent, smart, humorous, witty and guess what u r hot also! :D

and ambitious..!*

ppl think they'll get max 2 things from this

but u r a bloddy package man*

12:14 PM and i wont let someone exhange a mac book for a bloody desktop

me: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

omg!!!!

omfg!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

another jinuism

* Note - None of the adjectives issued by the individual JinuP above are true, they have just been quoted for sake of demonstration of love.

The magic is gone ;D

It had been too long...and it felt great to get one of those again. I call them Jinuisms. For people who think I'm funny, wait until you meet her, my best friend. For the uninitiated, Jinuisms are these little snippets of monologue (read: explosions of laughter gas) that leave you gasping for air in between fits of laughter everytime she rattles them off.

Just the other day when i was reminding her of the time my ex actually complained about the fact that the 'magic is gone' and how she and I cracked up on it (Yeah, I know I'm a bitch), she says...

"The day I heard that, I knew it wasn't going to last with that guy. There's only that much magic that a woman can create with two boobs and one brain!!"

Biatch! ;D

She did it. Again. I was ROFL.

...and isn't it ironic?

"...Traffic Jams when you're already late, a no smoking sign on your cigarette break. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is knife. It's like meeting the man of my dreams, and meeting his beautiful wife... "

That's right. Met the man of my dreams...and his beautiful fiance. Have known him since childhood when his issues were 'how to pataofy a girl' to 'how to cross the 50% mark in the next exam.' I used to be his fat friend whom his hot girlfriends used to look down upon wondering why he hangs out with me.

Used to help him spot babes in malls and share my notes with him. (Not that I was geeky or any better than him in studies...well only slightly). Used to be the first one to know about his 30 day stints and the girls he used to think he'll settle down with.

Met him after 4 years when he's back to India for his engagement to a beautiful girl. He now talks about world economy, sufi music, stable relationships, global warming and all impressive stuff. Had the most amazing time and conversation in two days. Felt the most comfortable in a long time.

Hmmm....filmy, very filmy.

Note: All characters in this post are fictitious bearing no resemblance to any person living or dead (Well, maybe only slightly)

...and isn't it ironic? :)

Ok, I've taken to blogging lately and have been exploring a lot of interesting stuff. Tags is one of them. Jinu tagged me the other day and here it is Jinu.

Ten things you could say to people right now:

1. Stop saying 'What skills do you bring to the table'!!!!!
2. Love you :)
3. Get me outta here!!!
4. Could you just come here pls?
5. Don't act smart. You know I can figure what you're trying to do.
6. I need more love from you, friends?
7. Let's parrrrtyyyy!!
8. Stop being a girly girl!
9. Will you just for a second stop your whining, and look at it from the other person's pov?
10. Focus...focus..focus..

Nine things about yourself:

1. I can be very loving if you love me back.
2. I love meeting new people.
3. I hate people who think all the problems in the world happened to them.
4. I'm scared of people who don't have a sense of humor.
5. I'm officially the PJ queen.
6. You'll mostly find me playing the guitar these days ;)
7. I want to be an artist. How does kinetic sculptor sound?
8. I sing when I need a vent.
9. I'm so not close to being a girly girl.

Eight ways to win your heart:

1. Don't give me gifts. Just gimme your affection.
2. Speak good english.
3. I know this is vain but...wear good shoes.
4. Be honest with me. I love it.
5. Talk to me about your ambitions.
6. Make me laugh.
7. Take me to a roadside restaurant instead of a fine dining place.
8. I like you if you love travelling.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot ::

1. Ok, so what do I have to do next.
2. Guitar...guitar...guitar
3. Why can't relationships be independant and balanced?
4. My future house will have this..that...
5. Let's do something creative.
6. Why am I so confused?
7. Am I going wrong?

Six things you wish you never did

1. Not joined NIFT.
That's all. I believe that there are no accidents. Everything is planned for you. So whatever screw-ups I did. I was meant to do them. No regrets.

Five turn offs (This should have been ten instead of 5 :P)

1. Bad English
2. Thick accent
3. Uncle type shoes
4. Loud mouth
5. I'm-too-cool-for-you attitude/low self-esteem/I-have-all-the-problems-in-the-world

4 turn ons

1. Traveler
2. Ambitious
3. Ability to flirt subtly is very important (no sticky, mushy pick-up lines)
4. Respect towards me. (This doesn't mean

3 things you want to do before you die

1. Travel extensively with a friend.
2. Gift my parents a house in Goa.
3. Become a designer.

2 things someone told you, you'd never forget

1. You were meant to create history.
2. Only you have the right to sing. :) (Btw, the person who said this, was comparing me to some 4 other singers.)

1 confession

I lose interest very quickly. I'm scared.

Ok Sree, I'm no dum dum. Tagging you!

I wish alliteration was a crime

Ok, so don't go on the literal meaning of the word. Read on and you'll know what I mean. These are some of the words I'm hearing a lot these days. Ugh!!!!

1. Get the buy-in. (If repetition was really a crime, someone would've gotten a death sentence by now)
2. Innovation (My ears are fried hearing this word over n over n over n over......)
3. Restructure (In the 'voila' tone with hands moving around)
4. Idea Generation
5. What skills do you bring to the table (Heard so many times that I actually visualize a table when i hear it.)
6. Reactive vs. Proactive (Did you mean radioactive?)
7. Revenue (Who??)
8. So what changes (Ghanta!)
9. Support (No! Dont' say that. It hurts)

If any of the B-School grads reading this... Is there like a B-School vocabulary bible that you're supposed to revise and use everyday?!??

Ok, don't get offended. I have nothing against mgmt grads. I'm just a lil over-bheja-fried.

There she goes again...

If you're a good friend of mine, you would know what Jinuisms are. If you don't, then you DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW! Hehe..Just kidding.

So lemme describe it just for my readers (with an arrogant author-ish attitude)
I was just talking to J about how some guy I met at a wedding was kinda trying to get in touch with me, trying to keep up the conversation and how annoying it was etc. etc.
And here it was, another classic one from her.
J: "Koi baat nai bade, such guys are the griddles that stay by your side when you're going through a rough patch ;)." But of course, they only remain to the side and never come to the forefront.

Now that's how she is. She'll make me laugh in the weirdest of situations. For ex: when I'm whining, when I'm upset, when I'm not supposed to laugh etc. etc. And the best part is she doesn't even intend to, it just flows from her effortlessly...her Jinuisms.

It's all about how you say it.

Ok, so here's something silly that prompted me to think about how different men express their need to well...umm...take a leak. Just the other day we (me and some girls) were discussing how some expressions are such a turn off and some are a subtle way to say it. Don't judge me and please understand how jobless I can get. (which is so tough to be in a busy world like ours.)So, here's the bucket list of different expressions I've heard so far.

I've gotta:
1. Take a leak
2. Empty my bladder
3. Where's the restroom?
4. Take a piss (Ewww...)
5. Relieve myself
6. pee-pee
7. spend a penny
8. Visit John
9. wee-wee
10. make water

And here's what made me write this. A great addition to the list.

- I gotta give my signature and come. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

I'm a man!

Yess! Today I'm convinced. I like beer! I feel the need to be with my gang more than my guy. I feel I can handle my situations on my own. I llllove bikes and love to ride them. I lift my guy up. No wonder they called me the most feminine tomboy in school. Maybe in some situation someone asked me to 'face it like a man' and I took it too seriously??..Oh Well...They said it.

It's public!

Wow! After almost six months, I've made my blog public. Honestly, it makes me a little nervous. I mean I'm actually inviting people to throw stones at me.(For writing crap, if you're wondering!). And then I have this responsibility of keeping my reader entertained. Wow! I feel like a character out of a Yash Chopra flick...sticky mushy music, dames in chiffons, dudes straight out of the milkybar factory, fits of pelvic gyrations in exotic locales...Ewwww!

Toilet education

She's back!! And I couldn't have waited any longer for her. She's my love, my best friend, my source of food for thought, the been-there-done-that lady. Hehe. We didn't have a lot of days on our hands to be together this time and I don't think she wants to spend much time with me anymore anyway. However, here's the good part. Now that she was here, how could we not do what we did best together: Chat, chat and chat. Well, mostly sensible stuff from her end and head nods from mine. And then moving to some arbitly random topic which would seemingly get aborted by cackles of laughter. It didn't take her too long to rattle off one of what we call "Jinuisms." We were getting out from a club and hitting the ladies room (Quite obviously after a lot of alcohol and faff) and here it came "I don't like going to public loos, coz i feel I'm resting my bum where the rest of the world does" :D

The importance of a guy

His words are echoing in my head. "Your casual attitude kills me." This gets me thinking. Are guys more emotional than women are? Or is it just me? Or is it just me and my guy? He claims he's love struck and I'm not reciprocating the way he wants. Is it really that way? I feel it's just that I'm more practical than he is and he's reached the 'lovestruck' stage when I"m out of it. But if I think of it, have I been very good at anything? I haven't given anything my best. Haven't pursued anything tirelessly. Is it that? Is it that I lack in love? Or I'm just more independant than he wants his girl to be? If a girl is reading this, please answer me. Do you at any time feel that your guy is more emotional than you are? Does your guy have this kind of a complaint from you? Or am I really like a guy? I'm like those insensitive male assholes who don't care about their girls? For now, I think I am. Maybe I should just leave this poor guy to find his love in someone else and not waste time on me. Atleast he deserves someone who can love him better.

A 'Spa-Cial' Experience

Just the other day, we went to a place I dread the most. A SPA!! Yeah, I know that sounds weird. The temple of relaxation, home for the stressed...blah blah. And believe it or not there are people like me who dread the name of it. The sheer thought of choking aroma oils, a masseuse, and a kinky atmosphere puts me off. Coming out of that fear was a brave act for me. So, here we were at the Tangerine Spa in Hyderabad. (Oh by the way, this was a quaint city in India which is now turning full gear into a technology township.) A spa by Latitudes, is in Jubilee Hills. As I entered the dark dungeons, I couldn't imagine myself coming out of it alive. A humble masseuse directed me to my 'room' where I was to be supposedly given a 'treatment.' (Hey, nothing's wrong with me. I came here for a massage, not for a TREATMENT!!) Anyway, I was petrified so I followed her like a scared lamb. Well, as I expected, the atmosphere was dark, the traditional instrumental music and a me with another girl! Had it been a guy things would've been different but..Ahem! anyway. I was greeted by the so-called Tangerine tradition of washing and drying your feet and making you feel at home. As I tried to control my horror, the masseuse started her 'treatment.' The first sensation and I burst into fits of laughter. So much so that she had to ask me if I was okay. What started as a horror story, turned into a funny affair. All in all, I loved it!